Independence and Your Child

Whatever age your child is, she still needs your love and affection. But of course, the kind of attention required changes as she grows. As parents, we have to move from feeding to providing, from safeguarding to advising.

Letting go, gradually
Independence can be as hard to achieve as it is to give. Your child is born with natural impulses that are both intense and essential. Rather than trying to ‘protect’ her from her curious impulses, you should cultivate them. When she is able to figure things out for herself, she will develop better skills and confidence that will help her when she steps into the adult world. And it is good to start from young.

Here are some tips:

• Give her a voice: Many parents shush their kids either as a form of discipline or dismissal. Avoid doing so without justification as it may make her feel that her opinion does not matter. If you do need her to be quiet, always explain why before making the request. Ask her about her day, and find out how she feels, in her own words. Explain what you can in simple terms when she asks questions.
• Give her some ‘me time’: Even a one-year-old child can be left alone to play within a room if it is toddler-proof. Even when she is in your presence, she can enjoy playing by herself if you engage her once in a while. A gaze, smile, or flying kiss is sometimes all the assurance your toddler needs.
• Give her a good example: Whether you are conscious of it or not, your child will copy your behaviour in many things. If you always check the roads before crossing, she will eventually catch on and follow. If you show aggression when dealing with conflict, you may find that to be her strategy, too.
• Give her enjoyable tasks: Sharing your safer household chores is a good way to inculcate diligence in your child. You can even make chores into games to be enjoyed. And be sure to congratulate her when the task is complete.
• Give her a choice: Allowing her to make choices will also boost her confidence. Let her pick out her own clothes once she is able to. Talk through her choices and find out her preferences, so that she may know herself better too.